I am. I am if....
Differentiating Self from Ego
I’m lucky. I have a few groups I meet with virtually to discuss The Work. I know, I throw those words around all the time because yes, I am doing The Work every single day. I’m not bragging here. I’m saying there is Work to be done and I try to do it daily. What do I mean by this? Doing the work to me means teasing out the difference between my True Self and my Ego Self. Another way to put this is to discern the difference between “I am” and “I am if.”
In one of my groups this week, this little nugget came up in one of our breakout rooms. We meet in a large Zoom, do our presence practice, and then break out in small groups to discuss the topic questions of the day. These rooms are always so powerful. Sometimes they are curated (different personality types deliberately put in the same room), sometimes we go “random.” But it doesn’t matter. We are all comfortable with one another and ALWAYS learn something about ourselves and others in these rooms. When we return to the Big Room, we share what happened in the breakout room and this is always so wonderful because even if you had a special moment in your room, so did others, and when people share these experiences, everyone benefits.
This week, a small group discussed the idea of “I am” vs “I am if.” I LOVE THIS! The idea that we ARE the “I am” but when we add the “if” to this, we’ve put the parameters into our is-ness with Ego. How simple. Yet so difficult.
When we reflect on those parameters, for example, “I am if:
I am a good parent
I am a good spouse
I am a good employee or employer or subcontractor
I am a good friend
I inspire people
I am smart
I see the beauty in the world
I give to everyone
I strive for perfection
I stand up to bullies
I see the good in everyone
I want to have fun
I want the best for the community
None of these are bad “I am ifs.” They just aren’t who we really are. Those are our egoic constructs. When we unpack all of this, what is left?
Light.
Love.
Wholeness.
Connectedness.
So yes, I am. With or without all of the “ifs.” Sit with that. Sit with just YOU and BE. That am-ness is the source of your gifts, where infinite love comes from.
The next time your inner critic starts throwing out all of those “ifs” recognize what that is and relax into the is-ness of the moment, where YOU can show up in your am-ness without all of the ego. This is the Work. Recognizing the “ifs” throughout your moments and leaning into the deeper knowing of YOU in presence without the baggage.
Ready to take your practice to the next level? Sign up with your partner for my couple’s workshop beginning November 6th. I’m only offering this to three couples.
💞 For Couples
Discover the ways your patterns interact in harmony — and in conflict. With guided conversations, AI prompts, and supportive dialogue, you and your partner will build awareness, shift conflict into connection, and strengthen your foundation together.
→ Ideal if you’re ready to deepen communication, compassion, and shared growth.
This six-week workshop is designed for couples who want to strengthen their bond, improve communication, and grow together. Through guided reflection and conversation, you’ll uncover the unconscious patterns that shape your relationship — and learn new ways to meet each other with compassion. In the first three weeks, you’ll also be introduced to AI as a supportive tool, helping you reflect, stay accountable, and carry insights into daily life.
What You’ll Gain:
Awareness of your shared and individual patterns
Practical tools to shift dynamics and resolve conflict with compassion
A supportive introduction to AI to keep growth alive between sessions
Deeper intimacy, understanding, and connection
Guidance and support for both partners every step of the way
Format:
📅 6 Weeks | 🕰 Weekly Live Zoom Sessions | 🌐 Interactive & Relational |$550 per couple | Thursdays 6:00 pm - 7:15 beginning November 6th
I’ll be there to guide and support both of you, making the process safe, practical, and meaningful. You’ll never be left on your own — this is a journey we walk together.
Rediscover each other with fresh eyes. Build a foundation of compassion and presence. Let AI help keep your growth alive long after the workshop ends.