Mindfulness has Distracted Presence

What If We’ve Been Practicing Presence Wrong?

The mindfulness industry is projected to make over a billion dollars this year. People want to find meaning in the ordinary and they are told if they are just present then they will. But what do we mean by being present?

Isn’t just “holding space” for someone and listening, presence?

Isn’t capturing the moments in our head like snapshots from a camera, presence?

Isn’t being able to witness the unfolding of life, presence?

I’ll never forget listening to Oprah Winfrey interview Eckhart Tolle in 2019 and asking, “Does this mean when I’m walking up the stairs, I think, I’m stepping on this step and this step and this step.” Because presence is more difficult to explain than simply “be here now,” I’m pretty sure Eckhart dodged the question with another heady contemplation about the concept of presence.

But this is the problem with presence and mindfulness. We are putting it in the head and it isn’t. We’ve turned presence into a mental activity, and in doing so we’ve moved away from what presence actually is. Mindfulness has distracted Presence.

I wrote a book called “The Little Guide to Finding Our Lost Souls” where I write about becoming the Observer. This also isn’t presence. It is very easy for me to become the Observer. It is my nature. So I apologize for the inconvenience of teaching you a concept I thought I understood. I didn’t.

Presence also isn’t going into a deep meditation without any awareness of what is going on around you. That is disconnecting. Presence involves connection.

Presence isn’t taking a psychedelic so you can experience the now a little more intensely. Being here now employs more than your head.

Presence is a felt sense.

And because of the retreat, I know this. I experienced this and I continue to experience this. Experiential presence, embodied presence, was something I took home with me. I keep hoping this feeling will never end.

I had first noticed this after the Breathwork session, where when walking away from our room, I noticed the birds, trees, humans, critters, noises, smells, interactions, with a hyper awareness, a felt awareness. I felt connected to everything. It is easy to feel this way on a retreat. I hoped it would never end.

But when I returned home, I was abruptly dropped back into reality when my husband sadly informed me that our brother-in-law had died that morning. This was a short cancer fight, unexpectedly too short. None of us was ready to say goodbye to him. We left for CT the next day to be with his sister and her sons.

Would my newfound felt presence practice fade once we arrived, once the overwhelming grief presented itself?

That new learned presence, the felt presence remained with me and helped me support her, her boys, and my husband. I could be in the grief and not try to fix anything. I could feel it all and not be distracted by thoughts. I’m not confident I would have been as capable without the gifts of the retreat and especially the Breathwork. I noticed my breath as she unloaded her sorrow. I found my voice (so quiet for so many years) capable of expression, to tell her the heartfelt truth of how her husband made a difference in my life, always loving and accepting me from the very beginning. Allowing the voice of my Essence to present itself. My throat no longer constricted, voicing my loving truth.

The gift of presence is so powerful. So deeply human.

I also now find myself looking at the fragility of the moment. That this is here and passing. The next moment arrives.

This.

This.

And the sadness wells up inside of me for being of the world for so many years instead of in it. Yet, I have no words to express the deep gratitude for this awakening.

The newfound deeper appreciation for my husband.

My love.

His love.

The beauty in the world.

The gifts of my children.

The smile from a stranger.

The trees out the window on our drive.

The appreciation of our brother-in-law, who was such a loving man, an accepting man, and knowing that my sister-in-law feels so lost without him, makes me appreciate what I do have with my husband so much more, in this moment.

And this moment.

Presence is an awakening to the moment. Not a mental attention to the moment. It is felt in your body. Felt in your heart. Consciously being breathed, the body and heart scaffolding provides the structure for an openness and curiosity that can then show up in your head. This allows for an awakening. For a transmission from the Universe. This deep sensing, feeling, and curiosity is Presence. This is what it means to wake up. There is a deeper noticing, a noticing that you being here is part of something. A collective. That your presence matters. Receiving and then consciously giving of your Essence.

And the seeking ends.

The homesickness softens and yet the work continues with each conscious breath.