Courtesy of Kateryna Hliznitsova with Unsplash
I hesitated when he asked me. He said, “I noticed you are a 5w4 with an SX dominant instinct.” I quickly renamed myself in the Zoom meeting. I didn’t want more labels. Yep, let’s just get it back to “Julie Roick.”
And while you may not know what those numbers and letters mean, in this group and the others I am a part of, they do a lot of work. They give the participants in the room a quick version of Julie.
How she shows up under stress.
What motivates her.
Her core longing.
Why she retreats.
How she may contribute.
Ultimately, in these groups, I give the participants a sense of what it feels like to lead from point Five as we say in this Enneagram world. So when we chat about the deeper stuff, we get a sense of what that means to look at life through that specific lens. We try not to label “She is an Eight.” “He is a Seven Wing Six.” We all know we aren’t really that. But understanding where we are starting from leads to deeper compassion and understanding, especially during these very vulnerable meetings. And personally, I love getting the perspective of all those other lenses.
Once I relabeled myself, I got a little self-conscious. Without the shorthand, how would people perceive me? There was no framework to hide behind. Just Julie. And that, it turns out, made me more conscious, not less.
My husband and I have talked often about how teenagers go off to college and can reinvent themselves. But it’s not just teenagers. We do it constantly, in every room we walk into.
With our partner.
Our co-workers.
Our friends.
Our siblings.
Our children.
Our parents.
Apparently, in a Zoom room full of Enneagram enthusiasts.
At networking events, I do my best to show up real and that may involve revealing something I may not reveal at work.
When I’m with my siblings, I put on the hat of Little Sister, but the one that has always acted older. Now I’m given responsibilities the little one wouldn’t have gotten, if parents were still alive.
Around my children, I don’t want to worry them, so I put on the “I’ve got this” hat.
Each situation slightly nuanced. Slightly nuanced behavior, too.
It is fascinating, really, to witness the many faces of I. And it is super important to do this because this is where our patterns live. Our go-to moves, the ones we think will keep us safe. While I have been examining myself, I can see where I feel I need to protect my heart. This is why we lean into what we think protects us or makes us feel safe. We are all doing this.
We just don’t want to admit it.
We are all protecting our hearts.
So when that 4w3 with an SX dominant instinct and I connect outside of this group, we confess we can both feel pretty lonely on this journey. It’s a deep one. Not for the faint-hearted. It requires that we show up differently, humbled and compassionate. We unburden ourselves to a witness who really sees us, in all of our patterns, with all of our stuff. And we give each other the space to be just that, an I that is doing their best to do the work, with maybe some glimpses of our True Self sprinkled in, shedding the I for a moment or two, experiencing the now without all of the masks.
