(At my son’s wedding)
I became a grandmother on 12/31/2025. Our oldest son and his wife had a baby boy. They don’t live nearby, so every few hours, our son sends a photo with a quick caption. Mostly about how much he loves his new baby.
I love that my son is texting me every three hours. I had no idea how fortunate I would be, not just being blessed with a grandson, but being blessed with my son texting me so often. He’s married, so let’s just say, I’m not front of mind.
I’m going to say something, maybe obvious, maybe controversial: your son marries his wife’s family. Meaning boys tend to drift toward the wife’s side, while girls tend to stick around. I know this is a generalization, but it’s something I’ve seen over and over again. It’s ok. I will survive, because I have girls, too.
(And I apologize to those who did not know this and will find out later in life. You’ve been warned.)
So what a sweet surprise it has been to hear from my son so often since his baby’s birth. I’m loving it. I had no idea this event would bring us even closer. I didn’t think through the ripple effect of becoming a grandmother or how it might transform my relationship with him.
Don’t get me wrong, we already had a great relationship. They just don’t live nearby anymore, and they get to see her family far more than ours. That’s life. So what a bonus it’s been to hear from him, often. A very sweet surprise.
Life events are like that. We can’t predict how they’re going to shape us. Covid is a perfect example. It changed everything, how we do business, educate our kids, travel, socialize, and even respond when someone coughs next to us on a plane. The ripple effects continue long after the event itself.
Which brings me back to becoming a grandmother (I’m sorry, I can’t help myself).
Since I am working on being more present, I have put out of my mind the first goodbye… and the fact that I will have to get back on the plane and return home. I don’t like closure or chapter endings (which explains why I have always hated New Year’s).
I’m also putting aside the impulse to give logical advice to these new parents, not just because I have done this five times, but because I know my pattern. I over-knowledge. I try to educate. I over-inform. And I’ve learned through “the work” not to leap in unless I’m asked.
I catch myself wanting to text things like, “Did you contact blah blah blah about xyz?”
Not the time. Not the place.
But a perfect moment to work on my stuff.
Self-reflection.
Self-reflection.
Self-reflection.
Allowing life to unfold in all of its perfection and imperfection gives us the space to be our best soulful self. If you feel like you are constantly reacting to life’s events, you’re not alone, but those reactions shape us just as powerfully as the events.
Presence invites a different kind of shaping. A softer one.
A body, heart, and mind online, not in their usual fixated-patterning gives us space to respond, not react.
Which brings me to this:
If you react ______, try ______
Here are the nine classic “ego reactions” and a more essence-filled response you can practice instead.
Use them like a mirror. Or better yet, a permission slip!
If you react by tightening, correcting, improving, fixing, or feeling responsible for getting things right… Try letting things be imperfect. Let yourself be imperfect. Let the moment be enough without adjusting it.
If you react by offering help, giving advice, supporting, or trying to make yourself needed… Try receiving instead. Let others take care of themselves. Let love flow toward you too.
If you react by performing, polishing, impressing, or playing the role of “the competent one”… Try simply being present as you are. No role, no image, no pressure to shine.
If you react with longing, emotional intensity, comparison, or the sense that something meaningful is missing… Try grounding in what’s actually here. Let ordinary moments be meaningful. Let yourself belong to them.
If you react by withdrawing, analyzing, over-thinking, or conserving your energy…Try stepping forward one small degree. Share something. Feel something. Participate instead of observing from the edge.
If you react with worry, scanning for danger, planning ahead, or bracing for what could go wrong… Try trusting the moment. Trust your ability to meet what comes. Let your nervous system rest inside what is good.
If you react by jumping ahead, reframing discomfort, seeking stimulation, or avoiding emotional heaviness… Try staying with exactly what’s happening. Let yourself feel the full flavor of the moment, even if it’s bittersweet.
If you react by asserting, controlling, protecting, or managing intensity… Try softening. Let tenderness lead. Let vulnerability come forward without needing to guard it.
If you react by numbing out, going along, disappearing into comfort, or avoiding friction… Try showing up a little more awake. Name a preference. Take up space in the room. Let your presence matter.
We can choose how to be shaped. However, if we stay unconscious and stuck in our typical responses, there is no shaping, there is no growth. Only more suffering.
These moments, births, losses, transitions, milestones, surprises, they all shape us. If we stay present, they can reshape our patterns, too but only through awareness and self-reflection.
A new relationship.
A new life.
A new identity called “Teta” (grandmother in Syrian)
All of it teaching me how to be less of my ego and more of my soul.
I thought I knew what this next chapter would bring. But I didn’t know it would bring my son and me even closer. Who knows what else?
Dr. Seuss was right. Oh, the places you’ll go.
Please remember to comment and like in Substack. This has been so beneficial to my presence here. Thank you so much!!
Some January guidance offerings:
If you’re feeling called to explore your own patterns, the ones that keep you from being fully here, fully present, fully you, I’m offering two workshops at the end of January:
Pattern to Presence (with AI as a gentle reflection tool)
and
Discover and Dive Into Your Enneagram Point
Both are six weeks, limited to six people, meet via Zoom, and are $275 (each workshop)
If groups aren’t your thing and you are ready to explore AI and yourself on your own, my six-week program is now in digital form. Check that out here.