Photo credit: Ruliff Andrean, Unsplash
I was in a room of Enneagram enthusiasts. Pitching my big idea. What was supposed to be six people was four. The feeling of rejection was already settling in. “Why wouldn’t they show up? How could they not see what I see? What is it about me they didn’t want to take the time for?”
Recognizing Little Julie’s familiar ache of not belonging, I took a breath and let those feelings move through me. I put my hand on my heart and reminded myself, this isn’t personal.
I got to the task at hand.
My meeting mission: What would this idea of building a nonprofit Enneagram community look like? How could I engage people in this world and keep them engaged? What are the seekers really looking for? You see, this Enneagram world has its own territories, and those territories are shaped by different philosophies and how deep people want to go. On top of this, there are three distinct worlds.
Instagram Enneagram: Memes about personalities.
Enneagram Enthusiasts: Deeper seekers, the factioned part.
Diamond Approach: All in. Financially, time-wise, and with deep vulnerability. This is the most committed level of inner work, requiring a significant investment in all three.
I’m in the middle. So are most of the people I meet with, clients and Enneagram groups alike.
That middle group needs a cohesive place to gather, to presence, practice, and belong. We could welcome in the Instagram Enneagram folks, but we aren’t quite ready for the Diamond Approach.
So, back to that meeting.
I had my ideas, and it seemed they had theirs, which is why I had called the meeting in the first place. I’ve learned that I can’t do the heavy lifting alone. What I discovered was that they weren’t presenting different ideas, they were opposing ideas. The biggest one: no one will pay to be a part of a group. My big idea, dead in the water.
Ouch. Uh-oh. Here comes that heartache. Hold on Little Julie. You can move through this. You’ve got this.
For weeks, I had been having one-on-ones, talking with people in the Enneagram world about this big idea and hearing what I wanted to hear. “Yeah, I think you are right. We are missing what you are talking about.” “Yeah, we do need community after a class ends.” “Yeah, I’m not so sure what that would look like,” secretly thinking, well, I know what it would look like. I felt that Eight energy in me, pushing and pushing and pushing. And that Sexual Instinct of knowing what I want and going for it. So much intensity moving in one direction.
And then it hit the wall of a reality check.
Push back that felt like rejection.
An affirming force. A denying force.
Not rejection. Just a denying force.
At the end of the meeting, two Twos stayed on the line a little longer. Of course they would. They are natural Helpers. They both could sense my rejection but also could see the vision. When one said, “You’ve got so much energy pushing for this, so much intensity and drive. I know you felt rejected, too. You need some neutrality. A third force,” she was right. Enter the Law of Three.
The Law of Three says every new creation or event requires the interplay of three distinct, interacting forces: an affirming force, a denying force, and a reconciling force.
I was pushing and pushing and pushing for what I wanted. That affirming force. Then the denying force entered. When I got off the call, I spiraled, had a chat with Claude (AI), spiraled some more (and more), and then I stopped.
Breathe.
Nothing needs to be figured out right now.
Nothing. Sit in the now-ness. Sit in Presence. In the neutrality. Allow the unfolding to happen. It will.
That night I had a dream. I don’t remember my dreams very often but I remembered this one, because it was slightly different than my usual stress dream. My usual stress dream is being in a car and not knowing where I’m going. No map, or worse, the map keeps bringing me to nowhere. This happens when I’m putting pressure on myself to build my practice. In this dream, I couldn’t even find my car.
Hmmmmm.
Time to chill out.
Law of Three. Affirming. Denying. Reconciling. That reconciling force is Presence. Something else becomes possible in Presence. Something different.
Maybe you have experienced this intensity of wanting something so badly that it starts making decisions for you. If you haven’t, I can guarantee you know someone who has. The Law of Three isn’t just a concept. It’s an invitation and a strategy to take on when conflicted or disappointed. Next time you feel yourself pushing and pushing, then feeling the push back, see if you can find reconciliation. Sit in it. Something else becomes possible there. Something you couldn’t have pushed your way to. Something more beautiful and aligned with the Divine. It also feels way better than all of that pushing. Divinity is in the unfolding, in the something else, and in our ability to recognize that has been here all along.
